Sensory Stones - Part I




Once there was a man who simply would not die for good. He would roam around looking for answers and find himself killed, by accident or deliberately. Then he would simply wake up again on a slab in some morgue forgetting everything there is in this world, including himself. But most of all, he always wondered what made him immortal in the first place.

He did not know what previous incarnations have done and how closer they are to the truth. Sometimes he stumbled upon the kindness of his previous self, and sometimes he discovered the horrible deeds his cruel self had done. Nevertheless, he made it his personal quest to find the truth.

One day he came upon the Public Sensorium while exploring the city he always find himself awake in. The Sensorium held 'sensory stones' - magical stones which held specific feelings and experiences of those willing to share them for visitors of the Sensorium to experience. These stones appeared like normal rocks, apart from the familiar glow they emit, and they are set on waist-high pedestals.

The man approached on the stones. They title card on the pedestal read: 'mind-numbing tedium'. He placed his hand on the surface of the stone and closed his eyes.

The experience couldn't be more than a few minutes long, but hours seemed to pass... a long, boring lecture in the driest, dustiest hall in the University of Chalm. I looked about the vast hall, hoping to catch someone's eye to pull a face at - but the other students were either asleep or staring listlessly into space. I dropped my quill pen, picked it up, and dropped again... just for something to do. I considered stabbing myself in the eye with it, just to see if my sense hadn't been wholly numbed by the incredible boredom...

Perhaps there was some benefit in not remembering, an immortal's years must include long stretches of tedium.

The man touched the experience 'bitter loathing'.

Venomous tears of pain brimming in my narrow yellow eyes, I gathered the tattered remains of my small, scaled, red wings off the floor. I humbly backed out of Groba's studyy, gritting my needle-like teeth beneath sealed lips.


Sure, I was only a spinagon - least among devils - but that was no cause for Groba to tear my wings off because he didn't like the message I had brought him! What would my master do, now? He certainly couldn't say anything to Groba, and what use was a spinagon without its wings? I would probably get cast into the Pit of Flame for "incompetence"!


Vengeance out of the question, there was little to do but shake my clawed fist and hate, hate, hate Groba with all the loathing my hard little black devil's heart could muster...

Besides the many the immortal man had killed in his lives, there must have been others, the friends and lovers of those he killed, anyone who stood in his way, who had loathed him.

The experience 'pure glee'.

Dancing and leaping about in a rhythm with the wood elves' bouncing festival music, I and a dozen other dancers spun through the forest clearing like a whirling dervish, smiling and laughing like mad. As the cheering forest dwellers whooped, clapped and danced alongside me, fairies careened through the air above our heads, leaving sparkling trails of coloured light...

The man was in a rare good mood for some minutes after this experience.

The experience 'consuming impatience'.

I stood debating with Amnas the Horribly Slow, who is the keeper of the Lion Key, as to whether or not my quest was important enough for him to relinquish the key into my care. The whole experience was an exercise in sheer torment... each and every one of his words was followed by a significant pause; each and every point he made was reiterated time and again before he let me speak. I presented an argument... then waited, and waited, and waited while he made his counterpoint. To which I shot out a snappy counterpoint of my own... then must wait yet again for another of Amnas's drawling, meandering, seemingly endless counterpoint. It was everything I could do not to simply lop his head off and snatch the key from his corpse...

This reminded the man of his frustration at not being able to read the language in which the journal he found was written.

The experience 'horrible regret'.

I stood on the deck of my flagship, the Divine Hammer, as it floated over the continent of Agarheim, held aloft by the winds. The very landscape roiled and shuddered beneath the bombardment of my fleet, one thousand ships' cannons and bombards hurling their sorcerous fire down like vengeful beings. The shockwaves had begun to hit my ship only minutes ago - a constant vibration that sent shudders through the whole of the ancient craft and moved my very bones - accompanied by a constant, rumbling bass. As the land's mountains began to sink and the seas that surrounded it began to boil off  into the atmosphere, my first officer came to stand beside me.


"My Lord Admiral... permission to speak freely, sir."


I nodded my acquiescence, my stomach sinking as I guessed at his question.


"My lord... forgive me, but how? What gives us the right? A billion lives..."


I spoke without turning to him, unable to take my eyes off Rhumos, the nation's vast capital city, as it vapourised into a cloud of super-heated gasses twelve miles across and growing ever-wider. "If you only knew the full treachery of the Agarites, First Officer Felm, one which is beyond most any man's comprehension... then you would know. You would speak of our right to annihilate them? We've no right to let them live."


"But... sir? Traitors, all of them? Surely, among the hundreds of thousands. How many innocents--"


"Silence! Speak of it no more - our king has spoken, His will be done. The task set to us is a horrible one, not fit for contemplation or questioning. There is no room for pity, no room for remorse - only duty."


The two of us stood silently for a time, watching the last minutes of Agarheim. At long last I sighed... a low, stuttering exhalation that sounded as if something had broken inside me. Beneath the brazen plate that covered the ruined half of my face, my dead eye began to weep...


"Falm... my friend... I would have you understand. I know now, as I look down at what I have wrought here, that were I to think upon what I have done... what I have truly done... I would be struck mad. A deed such as this... the anguish would overwhelm, destroy me. So, First Officer Falm, it must be that there are no innocents in Agarheim... no mothers, no children, no people. Only traitors. Vile, cunning traitors, who deserve no less than the full brunt of our King's wrath. Do you understand this?"


"Y-yes, m'lord."


"Good. Now go... I wish to be alone, here."


"By your command, Lord Admiral." Falm bowed his head and returned below deck, leaving me to stand over the end of a civilisation.

The fact that this experience was here at all in this hall indicated the admiral must later have had second thoughts. The crime committed was horrible, awful, almost inconceivable, yet the man wondered whether he had done worse.


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(image credit: Rachel-17 @ deviantART)  
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Short stories





I - The Aging

Once came a man  who had experienced the most beautiful thing in the world. It was his intention to place the experience within on the sensory stones - magical devices which held feelings and memories for an eternity, leaving them for others to partake of.

But he thought about it: wouldn't it being shared dilute the experience? So he held it to himself, precious thing that it was, and aged with the memory. But as he aged, the memory became tarnished and beaten, and he could no longer recall the glory of the experience.


II - The Execution

Once, a murderer roamed the streets, a black-hearted man by the name of Kossacs. He had been blessed by his fiend mother so that no one could strike him with an intent to harm or they themselves would die. He revelled in his blessing, using it to start fights and murder anyone who crossed his path.

During one of his murderous rages, he was captured by the Harmonium Order with nets and brought before the Guvners. The trial was short, final, yet Kossacs laughed at the proceedings, knowing that no one among them could harm him without dying horribly. At the final day of his trial, he was proclaimed guilty and sentenced to death.

Kossacs's sentence proclaimed by the Guvners was this: 'Confinement for thrice thirty days, during which time you shall give up your life, be declared dead, and your body removed when all signs of life cease.' Kossacs laughed and dared any of them to try and harm him, yet the court was silent.

The Harmonium lead Kossacs to their prison and locked him in a dark, empty cell. There was no cot, no lights, and the only door was a steel grate in the ceiling.

As they lowered him into the cell, the Harmonium told him, "In the corner of your cell will you find a chalice. It holds poison. Your death will be swift."

"Aren't you going to execute me?" Kossacs snarled at the guard.

"No one shall lay a hand on you with intent to harm," came the Harmonium's reply.

"Then I spit on your cowardice!" Kossacs laughed, feeling for the chalice in the darkness, then hurling it at the wall and shattering it. Its poison dripped from the walls and dried, until it was no more. "Come then - you will have to try and kill me now."

But there was no response from the grate in the ceiling. It was then that Kossacs noticed the cell had no cot. No lights. And no food and water. All that remained was the chattered chalice, the poison gone. And for the first time, Kossacs knew the icy touch of death's approach.

In thrice thirty days, the grate opened, and Kossacs's body, now cold, was taken from the cell. It had given up its life, and the execution had been carried out.


III - Three Wishes

An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path. He wasn't certain of which direction to go, and he'd forgotten both where he was travelling to and who he was. He'd sat down for a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke, "Now your third wish. What will it be?"

"Third wish?" The man was baffled. "How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?"

"You've had two wishes already," the hag said, "but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes." She cackled at the poor man. "So it is that you have one wish left."

"All right," said the man, "I don't believe this, but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am."

"Funny," said the old woman as she granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish."


IV - The Parched Land

Once, a large village was struck by a terrible drought. A farmer journeyed to the Worshipping Stone, and again implored it as to the cause of the drought. He asked the Stone why it did nothing when the fields were parched and dying, why the animals and the people suffered while the Stone did not a thing.

"Have we not given enough offerings?" the farmer asked, begging almost upon his hands and needs. But the Stone did not respond; it merely sat, and cast its shadow.



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(image credit: l2ebis @ deviantART)
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Malignant Monday #1

As part of my ambitious resolve to blog more consistently, I introduce you to a weekly series of stories of how Mondays generally hate me and are scheming behind my back to destroy me. What Monday doesn't know is that I hate it more than I hate doing my laundry. And that is the highest possible level of hatred in this world.

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I know you didn't know so let me just tell you this first: I'm pregnant.

(long silence)

Really?

Yes, really.

Oh, wow... um, congratulations? Hope you'll get a plump, fat, healthy baby.

Oh, that's very nice of you, you naive idiot.

But actually, no, seriously, I'm really not pregnant. But I might as well be. You see, I'm a clucky man. I generally love kids, especially the not-throwing-the-tantrum kind and babies. Aww, babies.

I'm doing my paediatrics rotation at the moment. So far, I've done four week of it at a hospital and have been absolutely disappointed when my imaginations were shattered by the brutal reality that only a handful of kids are in the wards and newborn babies sleep like ALL THE TIME.

Translation: I couldn't show off my natural charm with kids which means I could make paediatric physical examination anything but a nightmare, and also I couldn't play with babies because otherwise I would be chased out by the nursery nurses flailing pins in their hands (not the rolling kind, but the prickly ones) for waking up a baby they've just put to sleep.

Four weeks I've endured that unbearable suffering of not seeing kids enough. But no fear, today I continue my paeds rotation at another bigger hospital. I shall see and play with kids all I want.

That was at least what I thought when I woke up this morning a la Disney Princess with bright optimism and sunshine. I hate you, Monday.

See, I start off with my paediatric emergency department (ED) roster this whole week. As I was walking off to the hospital, noticing bouncing squirrels and singing along with colourful birds, I imagined myself being so happy and all high in the ED tending to kids coming in one after another. The excitement of paediatric emergency was palpable.

Then the orientation told me only two students are allowed in the ED at any one point because otherwise "it would be too crowded" when there are seven of us in my roster group. Now I know exactly what Maleficent was feeling like when she wasn't invited by the royal king and queen to attend Aurora's birth celebration when other fat fairy godmothers get to come and eat the cake. (Oh, wait, the green one isn't that fat, but she's a cake gobbler just as well.)



God, I hate Monday. And Disney Princesses. Go Team Disney Villains!

We, seven of us, divided the shifts each of us could go to and I get to be lucky one - I didn't manage to get any shifts until 1 p.m. tomorrow. Just when I was already psyched up for ED for a long time.

In my angst, I went down to the staff cafeteria to get some free hot chocolate to cool down my inner fiery dragon. Little did I know Monday had been scheming with all the three vending machines to deny me of free hot choco. I could almost hear a voice saying, "IN YOUR FACE!".

Feeling guilty of not doing anything on my first day, I went to the library to study, which I did for a hour before deciding to walk back home and vent my frustration on food (read: lunch), wait around until about 4 p.m. when I have a lecture at the hospital. After lunch and practising on my acoustic guitar for a full hour, I felt really tired and quickly decided to take a quick nap.

Turns out Monday purposely woke me up at 5 p.m. to spite me.

And my hair's messed up.



P.S. As much as I am clucky, I'm both not that clucky or even ready to have my own babies. But I'll steal your baby anytime.
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Living in a Truer World


I'm already in the fourth year of studying medicine. It really felt like it wasn't too long ago I was a naive medical student, with simple goals and unadulterated optimism. Everything was so much simpler back then, or so it seemed to me. It was as if the world had less shades of grey - one could step on one tone of grey and manage not to touch other kinds of tone painted just beside.


The medicine I see now - more accurately the world that I see now through my eyes - is so much richer of greyness. Like a grey-scale photo of a sunset by a beach, there are all sorts of whiteness and blackness. In the far distance, the brilliant white sun is slowly gliding down its arc and the sky enveloping it has a beautiful gradient of grey, becoming darker as it is closer to you. Specks of the sun's reflection on the calm distant sea ceaselessly surface and sink out of sight, creating a wonderful spectacle that could be stared for hours until they all disappear together with the day's eye. The rocks closest to the observer has the darkest of black - their delicate bumps and lines absolutely hidden by the shadow of their own bodies - leaving only an odd collection of silhouette.


It is now nearly impossible to touch on a single shade of grey. Life is increasingly "colourful" but at the same time also increasingly complex.


You will see the world as closer to the truth, but it is not always pretty. Truth can be sweet, and it can be bitter. Hell, it can be anything. There aren't a lot of things existing in binary; you realise pairs of two are difficult to find. There is no such thing as "male" and "female" only, because there are people who sit in between, either biologically born as such or otherwise. Sexual orientation is never either "heterosexuality" or "homosexuality". The universe is never simply divided into "heaven" and "earth". Darkness and lightness are a spectrum, as are highs and lows, and hot and cold. Most anything are created as a continuum.


The natural law dictates that this world that we live in can never be as simple as a world of binary - either one or the other. The sooner we all realise binary rarely exist, the better. But this is difficult as many people cling tightly to the illusion of the 'either-or' world due to its simplicity. It makes things somehow easier to comprehend. However, illusion is but an illusion, and no amount of denial can change that fact.


I have shattered the illusion and I am happy to live in this difficult world.


Medicine is one of the many tools I came across in my life that would eventually be used to break the glass. It is a great instrument, but wielding it also changes you. Many who crossed to the other side into the truth shed layers of optimism. Breaking the glass makes shards of cynicism pierce deep into their flesh, and they burrow deeper as if trying to integrate themselves with the body.


I am still struggling to pick up the pieces off the floor and remove the sharp fragments from my flesh. It's hard but I will become the person I sought out to be when I first started medical training. I will get there.



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(credits to Chibss @ deviantART)
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Come make your eyes explode!



I know what you're thinking. No, it's not just a random picture of candies (I surprised myself with my special secret ability to make sense of that ridiculous picture). But I also know what else you're thinking. Yes, it's ugly. But entertain me and look again. Can you see something else?

I doubt it. Not when you don't know what you're looking for.

This ugly picture here is called a stereogram. Those of you who might know what I'm talking about here can go back to the image immediately and look again. I'm serious, go back before I give you the big spoiler. If you're one of those clueless people, read on.

You know how you sometimes hear about two people looking at a seemingly boring pattern image and you have one guy going, "Oh yeah, I can see a dolphin in that picture!", and the other guy (always the annoyed one, with a Scottish accent) saying, "Are you on Special K again? No, I don't see a damn thing!".

Okay, so I made the Scottish accent up, but you have to agree with me that hear this scenario all the time. Those two people are most likely looking at a stereogram.

A stereogram, to put it simply, a two-dimensional image that is created to produce an optical illusion, giving you a sense of depth. A sense of depth is what makes us see in 3-D. A stereogram, like the one on top, has a sort of "hidden" 3-D shape that you can only see if you focus your vision in a certain way. I don't want to give you a lecture on stereogram, so Google if you wanna know more.

But I will tell you briefly how to look at it. You need to use your "soft gaze", which is exactly the gaze you have when you are deeply lost in thoughts.Remember how the things around you appear blurry and you slightly see double at the same time? This is because your focus is not to an object near you. Instead, your point of focus is far away, as if you are looking at a person far in a field.

If you can't voluntarily make that gaze, or simply can't remember how to, try fixing your gaze at a wall a bit further from you. Then hold that gaze and slowly turn your head to the monitor and look at the crazy candy picture. Keep on looking and slightly adjust your focus until you see a 3-D shape. If you can, pat yourself on the head. The first experience of that three dimensional perspective is always quite overwhelming.

If you can't, keep trying. If you still can't after trying, then it sucks to be you.


P.S. I remember my first stereogram many years ago. I was basically like a kid excited to get a remote control helicopter. Oh, wait, I never got any.




I hate you too

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Home II



I reached home. Mama was there to greet me first. Her face was filled with a thousand emotions that magically resonated within me as well. It wasn't simply "happy" or "relieved". The concoction of emotions splashed into a unique colour that is rarely ever seen.


She stood there as if waiting to be hugged. I embraced her and closed my eyes. I could feel the rest of the world didn't exist as I was locked. It was just... us.


Then there was my dad together with my brothers all rejoicing in the reunion. I hugged each one of them.


I gave one of my best hugs to my dearest younger sister. I can see how she have grown into a mature woman.


But one was missing. And I missed him dearly.


Then they told me he died. From their faces, I could tell it was a truth. My brother was really gone.


Slowly I kneeled and I cried.


I cried very hard. And it was very hard to control.


My sister sat beside me later that night. She said three years ago, I was supposed to die. I didn't wake up for a year and my dead brother made a selfless deal so that he could trade places with me. Ever since then he was slowly dying, but he never showed it to anyone.


The worst part was that I never realised any of this ever happened. I didn't even know I was out cold for a year. With this newfound knowledge, again I cried. My sister hugged me differently this time. It was as if she was trying to embrace my broken heart to prevent it from chipping away. I think I felt her tears on my shoulder.


Days later, I found myself staring out the window into the dark midnight sky. There were strands of stars dangling in the moonless dark blue canvas. It was indeed a beautiful sight but I failed to appreciate it. I might be looking at the stars, but my eyes truly staring into a lifeless void.


Then he came into my room. I looked to him and felt a gush of tears wanting to stream down my cheeks again. To see him again after all the years, after all the news, after all the tears, after all the guilt, was an overwhelming experience that I could not describe in existing terms. He approached me slowly and stroked my right cheek. He never said a word, but I could understand him. His gentle eyes and bittersweet smile said it all. He wanted me to know that it is alright. "Everything is going to be alright..."


At this point too much tears had streamed that I could not feel them anymore. I had never cried so much in my entire life.

Then I woke up - eyes opened first - but I was still lying on my bed. I wasn't sure if my eyes were wet, as I was too engrossed in the emotions I felt at that moment, and it didn't matter to me. Strangely (or not?), I knew it was just a dream within seconds of waking up.


Sometimes I have incredibly vivid dreams such as this, and I could retain the memories of the emotions that I felt within the dream. They all felt exactly like the real thing; the emotions were not blunted in any way at all. As horrible as the dream I had last night was, I was glad to live in that dream. The experience of such intense emotions I have never encountered before in my real life. I was given the opportunity to go through it before a real scenario hits me. Maybe this will prepare me. But then, maybe you can never prepare.


With that said, I felt a strong longing to be at home with my mum and dad, my brothers and my only sister. I really wished I was at home where I don't feel alone.


When a person misses his family, meeting them, seeing them with his own eyes, kissing them and hugging them are not the only things that matter - it goes so much further than that. In essence, it is their mere presence around him that his heart asks for.


In other words, when you are with your family, you don't even have to say anything. It is enough to just sit quietly beside any of them and look softly at the faces. They might be puzzled at your rare gaze, but keep on looking and just give a slight smile. They might then understand.


How I wish I could sit at my usual spot at home with my mum and sister right now. With the sound of scissors and sewing machine and baby and trivial chat filling my ears. Ridiculously noisy at times but I can always escape to the kitchen.




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(credits to desertman @ deviantART)
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Home I





Where the doors are moaning all day long,
Where the stairs are leaning dusk till dawn,


Where the windows are breathing in the light,
Where the rooms are a collection of our lives,


This is a place where I don't feel alone,
This is a place that I call my home...
(Cinematic Orchestra - That Home)





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I swear if this song was what I hear first thing when I woke up this morning, I'd cry.


Dreams can feel so real.




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(credits to ariadnezenit @ deviantART)

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Crumble





I met you earlier this year. It was the first time - I stood there looking at you, with a tingling sensation I could only describe as adoration. As I knew you more and you became comfortable with me, I took solace in your presence. You sheltered me from harm and provided me solitude when I needed one. I would stay with you until piles upon piles of sand flowed. Until the sun has shifted its arc.

Time has changed.

Scorching harm has come to me. Solitude no longer feels like one. Staring at you from a distance is a routine. Staying with you is a necessity. I would rather escape your presence and bask in another oasis.

Perhaps you cease to please me with the descent of a new season. Perhaps it is the companionship that I seek; one that you can never offer me. Perhaps life is simply not that simple that fingers can be pointed to a single face.

Woe!

Oh, my chamber, no longer you are my haven.


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(credits to TristanGreer @ deviantArt)
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Silent emotions

Imagine this and imagine it vividly in your mind as best as you can:

You sitting in your chair in front of your computer and books.
You stopping whatever you were doing and turning your head towards the large window to your side, while one arm supporting your chin as your gaze drifting softly at the scene beyond the window.
You watching the continuous stream of traffic on the road across your vision field, hearing the muffled sound of vehicles zooming pass as people move on with their lives and realising you with yours.
You noticing the distant sky scattered with clouds and the sun shying away behind the thick still clouds.
You barely knowing what is in your mind at the mundanity of the moment and being oblivious that you are caught in a tranquillising trance.
You holding in this position in the physical and mental sense for minutes and minutes that when you snap out of it you realise perhaps 10 minutes has gone pass.

This is how I lost presence in this world. This is the melancholy in me emerging spontaneously at random times. This is one of the moments in life that I feel most calm and become deadly quiet - almost everything seems so crystal to me as I observe a snapshot of the world outside my window moving with time while my body is held in time stasis.

Speaking of time, I realise it is a waste, but I simply cannot help it.While in this trance, a great concoction of feelings comes splashing in an overwhelming force and these feelings are often the most difficult things for me to describe. Is is sadness? Longing? Helplessness? Frustration? Or is this what melancholy really is?

Perhaps I will never know the answer. But the answer does not matter to me. The whole experience means so much more to me. I consider it one the pleasures of life, actually.

You might raise an eyebrow to that last sentence, but I consider experiences and savouring emotions as ways to live your life fully. I thinks I would miss out on a lot if I didn't get to experience as many different kinds of emotion. It's just a waste to live without tasting them. (Okay, I think I'm starting to not make any sense, so I'll stop talking about it. But if somehow I do make sense to any of you, maybe you have found a mate!)

Although my melancholy can be brought about deliberately (which isn't very common of me), it is oft most triggered. By music. (Not again)

Here's one:


Just click on it. Three minutes of audio data is hardly a permanent damage to your monthly internet quota.

Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees

By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
I held on as tightly as you held onto me...

Cause, I built a home
for you
for me

Until it disappeared
from me
from you

And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...


Rarely you come across such powerful lyrics. Good songs are truly difficult to come by nowadays.


P.S. I may be misinterpreted by you as being "emotional" (the term as defined by people to describe certain difficult-to-handle people, as in "You're soooooo freakin' emotional!!!"). Those who truly know me would know better than to say I'm that kind of emotional.

P.P.S. Maybe I just simply miss home.

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Humans are humane? Chicks will disagree.




This is a baby chick.



In case you still didn't get it, this is also a baby chick.



Attack of the chicks. Please tell me that you get it already.

Oh, I knew very well what you are feeling right this moment. Go on, feast your eyes some more at these precious photos of cute, charming little chicks with their awesome cuteness that capture their pure innocence cutely.

I remember when I was about 12, my family had a small chicken cage-- no, scratch that - a relatively large chicken cage considering the population. It was the size of four moderately sized washing machine put close together, and it housed three adult chickens (one male, two females) with their little chicks. During the day, we let them out to roam free around the house. They especially liked to dance on the soft, green grass.

I watched the chicks grow up right from their hatching up to adulthood. Man, chickens do have a super swift biological development, and I sometimes wished they would stop growing at day 4. That is when they are cutest (see attached pictures).

Then today I watched something very, very disturbing. Too disturbing indeed that I had to share this with other people - yes, that means you. But this is not because I find it entertaining (read: NOT akin to spamming other people's inbox with stuff that is considered to be hilarious) but because I think the chicks would definitely want the world to know and take some sort of action.

Embedded below is a short documentary recorded at the world's largest egg-laying breed hatchery in Spencer, Iowa. I urge you to watch it immediately. I can guarantee that it is VERY disturbing to anyone, so don't say I didn't warn you. But you still have to, should, and must watch it. (I think I just contradicted myself)



If only Americans knew.

I don't know how exactly it is done here in Australia, but for the poor chicks' sake, I sure hope Aussies have a more gentle and humane story. A true chicken soup for the soul, if you will. (Was that a pun?)

What do we do? I'm not too sure myself. I don't think I will go vegan (as recommended at the end of the video) but at least I found something useful from Daily Finance website. Maybe we can do something after all. To quote:



Addendum: Many commenters have suggested that buying organic or free range eggs is the answer. While that is certainly preferable, it is not the answer; the chicks raised by Hy-Line and other hatcheries using instantaneous euthanasia can and do go to farmers who raise organic and free-range eggs. If you buy your eggs from a grocery store, they are almost certainly the fruit of this broken industry. I realize now that even the chickens I keep in my backyard for eggs (and treat extremely well, in a way incomparable to factory farms) were probably born in a hatchery only to see their brothers head toward the grinder. The answer is to buy chickens and eggs raised by very small, diversified farms. They're probably the ones at your local farmer's market, and they probably charge prices I've mentioned; as much as $5 per dozen for eggs and $6 per pound for meat. Talk to them, learn more about their practices and beliefs, and thank them.


P.S. If you were eating chicken while reading this entry, I apologise for the trauma I may have caused. If it makes you feel any better, the chicken in your hand was probably very well taken care of.

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"We bake our own iPhone"





When countless technologies are condensed into such a small device the size of roughly a short stack of business cards, it becomes extremely difficult not to bring said device everywhere you go. If you own such device, you might say, "I bring and use this incredible device everywhere simply because it makes me a productive person," and you continue to ramble on with reading online news, typing notes and ideas, and organising schedule. Perhaps more often than not you just want to look cool and be the subject of admiration among aspiring, trendy teenagers. But whatever, the reasons don't really matter.

What matters is that you do bring the magical device literally everywhere as if it is actually surgically attached to your body. That includes bringing the device to a dark storeroom to shine your way around, and to a kitchen to look for a French recipe (stupidly ambitious, considering you don't even know what tarragon is).

One day I carried my iPhone with me for a visit to the toilet in my own house, thinking I might as well be "a productive person" and read some news while I'm at it (or maybe I just wanted to look cool, not that anybody is there with me in the toilet to admire my coolness). After I was done and all and had flushed the toilet, I was punished. My iPhone slipped and "splash!" it went straight into the toilet bowl.

My iPhone must be so proud to be honoured as such.

It took me a full two seconds before I decide to fish it out from the (thankfully flushed) bowl. After patting it relatively dry with some tissue, my medical knowledge told me to sterilise it in some makeshift way that I can try in my house. I sanitised it with a liquid disinfectant (read: Dettol) and dried it again. My iPhone screen was dark and blank, as if the brief swim had taken its poor soul out of it - you could pretty much call it a diePhone now. To be honest, I'd probably be left soulless myself if I had that kind of a swim.

The whole process seemed to turn my iPhone off unintentionally. I didn't dare to turn it on immediately in fear of short-circuiting my iPhone in case the water had already went deep into the electronic circuitry. Operating under the assumption that the worst case scenario has happened, I thought of ways to dry it.

I placed it in front of my room heater switched on and left it there overnight. Then I used my hair-dryer a bit (I can't believe I just said that). There was still some water underneath the touchscreen, but I was somewhat confident that most of the moisture had evaporated from the circuitry, so I tried turning the iPhone on.

(A partially chomped off apple appeared on the screen)

My iPhone survived the horrible ordeal, but the water underneath the screen was a massive annoyance to me as I didn't need a less-than-sensitive touchscreen and I certainly didn't need an abstract artform to permanently shadow the screen. I needed a way to drain those moisture out.

After doing a bit of research in numerous forums (turned out I wasn't alone after all - I'm so happy), I found out some really rad and crazy methods of drying an iPhone (or any other electronic devices for that matter). I switched my iPhone off, took out my baking Pyrex, filled it with uncooked rice, and buried my iPhone in the middle of the rice. Supposedly, rice is just inherently thirsty, even going as far as sucking toilet water to quench that thirst. To speed up the drying process, I needed to raise the temperature. Since a microwave would just fry any electronic device and render it useless, I opted for conventional oven, as professionally recommended by some random people in forums. Setting the oven up on low temperature (about 100-120 degrees C; you don't want to melt your iPhone as I suspect it won't be very nice), I literally baked my iPhone for 9 hours.

(ding!)

I just LOVE the sound ovens make. This time around, however, it sounded even more pleasant than usual. I took the Pyrex out of the oven and digged for my iPhone. I turned it on to find that it worked perfectly fine and the touchscreen was devoid of water! It seemed that life has once again returned to the soulless device. Who knew a baked iPhone can make a man happier than a baked lasagne?

I know any normal person would now be traumatised enough to not bring such a device when visiting the toilet next time. Once is quite enough.

But since I'm not normal, I still keep bringing my iPhone to the toilet. What? I like to be "productive". Go away. (flushing toilet sound)


P.S. What do you think happened to the rice?

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The Gaze



Media: Ikea pencil (HB? H?), B pencil, mechanical pencil on paper.
Date of start: 23.8.2009
Date of finish: 23.8.2009

Description:
I always wish I could draw more often (damn you, medical course!). Now and again, I would feel like drawing or sketching but I usually suppressed my desire so that I could focus on the more important stuff at hand.

Today, however, I had the strongest urge to draw and there was no way I could let that unheeded. So I said to my journal article critical appraisal assignment (which is due next Friday), "Ah, screw you!" and grabbed my sketch book and the nearest pencil I could see at that time. That pencil turned out to be a short pencil that you get for free when you go to Ikea. Just so you know, it was a lousy pencil.

When I started to draw, I thought I wanted to produce a familiar face. So I took a self-portrait of mine as a rough source material. After 4 hours and some imagination on my part, the result was a Caucasian guy (what the--?). If not fully Caucasian, the guy is at least half-Caucasian. I guess I was kinda curious as to how I would look like if I were a white guy. Not sure if I would be that good-looking, though. (quirky smirk)

Major alterations: Nose, facial structure
(Very) Minor alterations: Eyes, lips
Retained features: Ears, brows, hair, neck, hoodie

So yeah, basically the guy has the same exact pose and clothing as the source photo, with some of my facial features incorporated. Wouldn't say he's me, and wouldn't say he's not me either.

Anyway, I focused on brushing up on my shading and lighting skills, especially on the face. That's why the hair was drawn unsophisticatedly and the shading on the hoodie was light and simple. I just wished that the scan would look better than this. The scanning process has a habit of bleaching out the lighter shades. Oh well, let me admire the original art by myself.

To those of you friends who have seen me in real life, do you think he has my resemblance? Even if you've never seen me face-to-face, you're more than welcome to drop your thoughts/comments. Maybe you can talk about his gaze? Or maybe he looks familiar to you? Like an actor or a model, perhaps? Hey, wait, where are you going?


P.S. That was my hair 3 months ago.

P.P.S. In retrospect, the hair wasn't that much different from what I have now.

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EPIC(on) WIN!





Take out your kitchen mixer from the cabinet, and set it nicely on the counter. Next get a top-notch orchestra assemble and an esteemed choir (which go very well together indeed), and gently place them in the mixer bowl. This might seem a bit strange to some, but now grab a rock band by the neck and put it in the middle of the ingredients in the bowl. The next step is very important: DO NOT turn on the mixer on high setting as this will cause the sound coming out the mixture to be simply tasteless and inconsistent. To avoid having to throw out the mixture and start all over again, mix the ingredients gently and slowly instead so as to produce a flavourful, creamy, and chromatic music that may be enjoyed again and again with your family and friends.

I'm guessing a lot of people might think that it takes the form of the following equation:




orchestra + choir + rock band = Rock You Like a Hurricane


Well, the album Epicon, by Globus, I assure you, is very much different than Scorpions. In fact the left side of that equation is not quite right. Not all of the tracks are rock. It is difficult to categorise the album into any of the conventional genres that we have today - it has a mixture of rock-driven orchestral track, choir-orchestra combo with solo vocal, ethnic music, orchestra-supported rock music, classical music in Italian, and choir in Latin. I could go on, but let's not go there, shall we?


Cover art of Epicon

In any case, once you have listened to the whole album, you would agree that the tracks are very emotional, grand film soundtrack-like, and simple EPIC. It's funny that some would even classify the album under the genre of 'epic'. To be honest, I think it's a fair classification since it is immensely difficult to pigeon-hole Epicon. Besides, 'epic' pretty much sums the album quite accurately.

In the Hollywood film-making industry, the making of movie trailers are usually commissioned to a trailer company that specialises in producing, well, trailers. Film production companies are far too busy with the film projects themselves (especially during principal photography and post-production) to make trailers for advertising purposes. Now trailer companies usually have their own composers to create music for the trailers they are making. Generally, however, big-budget films necessitate trailer music that match the quality and calibre of film soundtracks. For this reason, trailer producing companies may then purchase music (or license, rather) from another specialised company to be used in the trailers.

This specialised company is what we call "movie trailer music production company". The companies employ numerous composers to compose music beforehand and then keep the music in their library. Big companies literally have hundreds of such high-end music that sounded exactly like film soundtrack, sorted according to genres (such as comedy, drama, thriller, and so on). Other production bodies may browse their extensive libraries and purchase the license for use of the chosen music.

Complicated stuff, and you'd think film-making or even trailer-making is simple.

One such movie trailer music production company is Immediate Music. It's a huge and very successful company that has been providing music for trailers of famous movies, such as:


Spiderman 2 trailer (Warning: music is quite obvious.)

Now, since I'm not a PR officer for Immediate Music and I'm not gettin' paid for it, I'm not gonna list down other movie trailers that have used their music (go Google that yourself). However, as an informed fan, I will let you know that following popular demand, Immediate Music has formed a collective band consisting of an orchestra, choir and a rock band that is Globus. Several trailer music were hand-picked by the composers and re-arranged for the album. This explains why the album is "very emotional, grand film soundtrack-like, and simple EPIC".

And I just had to capitalise the word "epic". EPIC.

The wonder of Epicon is that it brings all sorts of emotion with different tracks. I generally like the whole album, but I especially love "Preliator", "Europa", "Orchard of Mines", "Madre Terra", and "Sarabande Suite".


Here's a medley of almost all the music in the album Epicon for you to have a taste.


And one of my personal favourites: Europa

I can't remember how I came by the tracks from the album early last year, but I do remember before having a copy of the album (which I eBay-ed from UK), digging as deep as I could for the music and live performance at YouTube. You might actually just do the same thing.

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"No, it can't be true..."




Media: 2B pencil on paper
Date of start: 30.10.2008
Date of finish: 31.10.2008

Description:
Today, I digged up my close-to-a-year-old HUGE stack of papers, notes, hand-outs, feedbacks, and whatever crap I get from classes. You see, I have this one special corner on my bookcase that I accidentally dedicate for all sorts of paper I get and simply wasn't quite sure where to file into. I lost count how many times I rolled my eyes and grimaced upon sorting through that ridiculously tall stack - there were some papers I would have thrown away in a heartbeat but for some magical reason slipped their way into the stack.

Wait, that's not the point. The point is that I discovered my second year portfolio. The med faculty at Monash Uni has this really weird habit of asking students do all sort of even weirder stuff as part of academic assessment. Some of the assignments we had to do were:
  1. a report on Behaviour Change Project, in which you had to change a bad behaviour/habit of yours and improve upon it by utilising some of the outlined methodology and strategies. While a lot of people chose to exercise or eat better, some people chose to stop nail-biting.
  2. a report on Human Lifespan Development, in which you had to interview some random guy/girl you choose and get info about the stage of life he/she is in (e.g. young adulthood) and probe into their previous life stage (e.g. adolescence). Weird stuff.
  3. a report on Critical Learning Incident, in which you recount and reflect upon one incident in your life that you find has brought great impact and hence, 'critical'. I don't wanna use the word "weird" twice, but hey.
  4. two additional pieces of work, in which you can pretty much submit ANYTHING you want (really, anything) as long as you can relate your work to medicine. Some made "clinical examination for idiots" videos (you can find a lot of those on Youtube, you know), some constructed a huge model of brachial plexus or human eye (yeah, I know, real easy to slip into your average folder), and some wrote poems.
      Well, suffice to say that the med faculty wanted us students to be a well-rounded doctors one day. I do understand that, but to do all those stuff when you're busy with classes and other more important assigments and revision was an absolute torture. You'd actually stare at the monitor while typing and think for a while, "What the hell am I doing again?"

      Anyway, the drawing at the top was one of my two additional pieces that I submitted as part of my portfolio. I even wrote some description to couple with the drawing. Seeing back the drawing within the huge stack of paper sure did bring back memories. Aww.

      All medical professionals would agree that one of the greatest joys derived from the profession is to see smiles carved on the faces of their patients, after the pain is lifted from them, or knowing that they have been fully cured. Doctors also enjoy great merriment and satisfaction when their patients shed tears of joy after being told that they will be alive after a fierce battle with their fatal disease.


      However, it is inevitable that the opposite of these situations happen as well. It is gravely difficult for patients to receive bad news, and it is also difficult for doctors to deliver them. This drawing serves as a reminder that a patient's reaction may vary greatly depending on how doctors deliver bad news. It is important that one in the medical profession master the art of delivering bad news.

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      Dhall







      Media: Black ball pen on paper
      Date of start: 27.7.2009
      Date of finish: 27.7.2009

      Description:
      It was a quick (lazy) sketch of Dhall, whom The Nameless One met only to find even more questions. Took me less than an hour to draw, so I don't think I'm doing the character much justice. Well, he certainly did not look like how I imagined him would be. I suck at sketches.



      Dhall is extremely old, and definitely not human. His skin has a trace of yellow, like old parchment. Dead charcoal gray eyes lie within an angular face... a non-human face, as the ears narrow to points. A large white beard flows down the front of his black robes like a waterfall. He coughs occassionally. The book he works in front of is huge, and seems to contain many names of corpses that have been brought to the Mortuary.


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      PST: The Mortuary (1-3)

      Chapter 1-3


      In the centre of this room stood the largest book I had ever set my eyes upon. It was placed on its metal stand so that the bottom nearly touched the floor, and it was tilted about 30 degrees from the vertical plane. Taller than an average man, the old book was bound in brown leather of unknown origin. Concealed behind the book was a living person, obviously one of the Dustmen. He was attentively writing in the huge book.

      The scribe looked very old… his skin was wrinkled and had a slight trace of yellow, like old parchment, like the pages he was writing on. Charcoal-grey eyes lie within an angular face, and a large white beard flowed down the front of his robes like a waterfall. His breathing was ragged and irregular, but even his occasional coughing did not slow the scratching of his quill pen. The book he was writing must have contained thousands of names. As I approached him, he did not look up from what he was doing.

      Morte interrupted, “Whoa, chief! What are you doing?!”

      “I was going to speak with this scribe. He might know something about how I got here.”

      “Look, rattling your bone-box with Dusties should be the LAST thing—”

      Before Morte could finish his rant, the scribe began coughing violently. After a moment or two, the coughing spell died down, and the scribe’s breathing resumed its ragged wheeze.

      “And we especially shouldn’t be swapping the chant with sick Dusties. C’mon, let’s leave. The quicker we give this place the laugh, the bet—” Before Morte could finish, the scribe’s grey eyes flickered to me.

      “The weight of years hangs heavy upon me, Restless One.” He placed down his quill. “…but I do not yet count deafness among my ailments.”

      “ ‘Restless One?’ Do you know me?”

      “Know you? I…” There was a trace of bitterness in the scribe’s voice as he spoke. “I have never known you, Restless One. No more than you have known yourself.” He was silent for a moment. “For you have forgotten, have you not?”

      “Who are you?”

      “As always, the question. And the wrong question, as always.” He bowed slightly, but the movement suddenly sent him into a bout of coughing. “I…” He paused for a moment, caught his breath. “I… am Dhall.”

      “That question was but the first, Dhall. There is much I wish to know…”

      “Very well. What did you wish to know?”

      “What is this place?”

      “You are in the Mortuary, Restless One. Again you have… come…” Before he could finish, Dhall broke into a fit of coughing. After a moment, he calmed himself and his breathing resumed its ragged wheeze. “…this is the waiting room for those about to depart the shadow of this life.”

      “This is where the dead are brought to be interred or cremated. It is our responsibility as Dustmen to care for the dead, those who have left this shadow of life and walk the path to True Death.” Dhall’s voice dropped in concern. “Your wounds must have exacted a heavy toll if you do not recognize this place. It is almost your home.” His last sentence sent shivers.

      “Shadow of life?”

      “Yes, a shadow. You see, Restless One, this life… it is not real. Your life, my life, they are shadows, flickerings of what life once was. This ‘life’ is where we end up after we die. And here we remain… trapped. Caged. Until we can achieve the True Death.”

      “Restless One? Why do you call me as such?”

      “Restless is as good a term as any…” Dhall drew a ragged breath. “Something keeps you here, does it not? Something that must be resolved, some passion that must be quenched before you can reach the True Death?”

      “True Death?”

      “True Death is non-existence. A state devoid of reason, of sensation, of passion.” Dhall coughed, then gave a ragged breath. “A state of purity.”

      “Sounds like oblivion. Why would anyone want that?”

      “Is it worse than remaining in this shadow of what life once was? I think not.”

      “Perhaps you can explain why the Dustmen want me dead.” I recalled Morte's warnings about these people.

      “We Dustmen are a faction, a gathering of those of us that recognise the illusion of this life. We await the next life, and help others on their journey.”

      Dhall sighed. “It is said there are souls who can never attain the True Death. Death has forsaken them, and their names shall never be penned in the Dead Book. To awake from death as you have done… suggests you are one of these souls. Your existence is unacceptable to our faction.”

      “ ‘Unacceptable?’ That doesn’t sound like it leaves me in a good position.”

      “You must understand. Your existence is a blasphemy to them. Many of our faction would order you cremated… if they were aware of your affliction.”

      “You’re a Dustman. But you don’t seem to be in favour of killing me. Why not?”

      “Because forcing our beliefs upon you is not just. You must give up this shadow of life on your own, not because we force you to.” Dhall looked about to break into another coughing jag, but he managed to hold it in with some effort. “As long as I remain at my post, I will protect your right to search for your own truth.”

      “You say that I have been here more than once. How is it that the Dustmen do not recognize me?”

      “I am a scribe, a cataloguer of all the shells that come to the Mortuary.” Dhall broke into a fit of coughing, then steadied himself. “Only I see the faces of those that lie upon our slabs. The dark of your existence lies safe with me.”

      “Do you know who I am?”

      “I know scant little of you, Restless One. I know little more of those that have journeyed with you and who now lie in our keeping.” Dhall sighed. “I ask that you no longer ask others to join with you, Restless One — where you walk, so walks misery. Let your burden be your own.”

      “There are others who have journeyed with me? And they are here?”

      “Do you not know the woman’s corpse interred in the memorial hall below? I had thought that she had traveled with you in the past…” Dhall looked like he was about to start coughing again, then caught his breath. “Am I mistaken?

      “Where is her body?”

      “The northwest memorial hall on the floor below us. Check the biers there… her name should be on one of the memorial plaques. Mayhap that will revive your memory.”

      “I don’t know. I don’t recall ever travelling with a woman.”

      Dhall made no response to this. He simply stared at me in silence.

      “Before, you said there were others interred here who journeyed with me?”

      “Doubtless there are, but I know not their names, nor where they lie. One such as you has left a path many have walked, and few have survived.” Dhall gestured around me. “All dead come here. Some must have travelled with you once.

      “How did I get here?”

      Dhall snorted in contempt, as if he found the memory repugnant. “Your mouldy chariot ferried you to the Mortuary, Restless One. You would think you were royalty based on the number of loyal subjects that lay stinking and festering upon the cart that carried you.”

      “I arrived here on a cart?”

      “Yes… your body was somewhere in the middle of the heap, sharing its fluids with the rest of the mountain of corpses.” Dhall broke into another violent fit of coughing, finally catching his breath minutes later. “Your ‘seneschal’ Pharod was, as always, pleased to accept a few mouldy coppers to dump the lot of you at the Mortuary gate.”

      “Who is this Pharod?”

      “He is a… collector of the dead.” Dhall drew a ragged breath, then continued. “We have such people in our city that scavenge the bodies of those that have walked the path of True Death and bring them to us so that they may be interred properly.”

      “Doesn’t sound like you like Pharod much.”

      “There are some I respect, Restless One.” Dhall took a ragged breath and steadied himself. “Pharod is not one of them. He wears his ill repute like a badge of honour and takes liberties with the possessions of the dead. He is a knight of the post, cross-trading filth of the lowest sort.” He frowned at further thought of Pharod.

      “Knight of the post?”

      “A knight of the post…” Pharod coughed. “…a thief. All Pharod brings to our walls come stripped of a little less of their dignity than they possessed in life. Pharod takes whatever he may pry from their stiffening fingers.”

      “Did this Pharod take anything from me?”

      Dhall paused, considering. “Most likely. Are you missing anything… especially anything of value?” His voice dipped as he frowned. “Not that Pharod would take exception to anything that wasn’t physically grafted to your body, and sometimes even that’s not enough to give his greedy mind pause.”

      “I am missing a journal.”

      “A journal? If it was of any value, then it is likely it lies in Pharod’s hands.” The instructions tattooed on my back told me to read the journal, then find Pharod. It seemed that I have to act in reverse, if indeed this man kept my journal.

      “Where can I find this Pharod?”

      “If events persist as they have, Restless One, you have a much greater chance of Pharod finding you and bringing you to us again before you find whatever ooze puddle he wallows in this time.”

      “Nevertheless, I must find him.”

      A slight warning creeped into Dhall’s tone. “Do not seek out Pharod, Restless One. I am certain that it will simply come full circle again, with you none the wiser and Pharod a few coppers richer. Accept death, Restless One. Do not perpetuate your circle of misery.”

      “I have to find him. Do you know where he is?”

      Dhall was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, he seemed to do so reluctantly. “I do not know under which gutterstone Pharod lairs at the moment, but I imagine that he can be found somewhere beyond the Mortuary gates, in the Hive. Perhaps someone there will know where you can find him.”

      “Earlier you mentioned my wounds. What did you mean?”

      “Yes, the wounds that decorate your body… they look as if they would have sent a lesser man along the path of the True Death, yet it seems as if many of them have healed already.” Dhall coughed violently for a moment, then steadied himself. “But those are only the surface wounds.”

      To my questioning look he replied, “I speak of the wounds of the mind. You have forgotten much, have you not? Mayhap your true wounds run much deeper than the scars that decorate your surface…” Dhall coughed again. “…but that is something that only you would know for certain.”

      His coughing now and then brought about a trace of concern within me. “You sound ill. Are you not well?”

      “I am close now to the True Death, Restless One. It will not be long before I pass beyond the Eternal Boundary and find the peace I have been seeking. I tire of this mortal sphere…” Dhall gave a ragged sigh. “The planes hold no more wonders for one such as I.”

      “Are you certain? There might be some way I could help you.”

      “I do not wish to live forever nor live again, Restless One. I could not bear it.”

      I stood for a moment, considering him. However, I needed to find a way out of the Mortuary.

      “Can you tell me how to get out of here?”

      “Hmmmm… the front gate is the most obvious exit, but they will not let anyone other than Dustmen pass…” Dhall broke into a ragged cough, then continued. “…one of the guides by the front gate has a key to it, but it is unlikely he will open it for you unless you are extremely persuasive.”

      “Thank you. Farewell, Dhall.” As I turned to leave, Dhall spoke.

      “Know this: I do not envy you, Restless One. To be reborn as you would be a curse that I could not bear. You must come to terms with it. At some point, your path will return you here…” Dhall coughed, the sound rattling in his throat. “It is the way of all things flesh and bone.”

      “Then perhaps we will meet again, Dhall.”

      ---------------------

      Glossary:
      1. Dustmen: The "Dustmen" are the caretakers of the Mortuary, a huge morgue filled with bodies. The faction seems to be a pretty somber bunch, rarely showing expression or interest in anything. They seem intent only upon taking care of all the dead bodies that come into the Mortuary, catologuing them, preparing them, then burying them... somewhere.
      2. Bone-box: The mouth; named because of its inherent nature - the teeth, jaw, and skull make up the bony structure of the mouth.
      3. Copper: The currency used in the city of Sigil; a coin made of copper.
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