Monday, May 10, 2010

Malignant Monday #1

As part of my ambitious resolve to blog more consistently, I introduce you to a weekly series of stories of how Mondays generally hate me and are scheming behind my back to destroy me. What Monday doesn't know is that I hate it more than I hate doing my laundry. And that is the highest possible level of hatred in this world.


I know you didn't know so let me just tell you this first: I'm pregnant.

(long silence)


Yes, really.

Oh, wow... um, congratulations? Hope you'll get a plump, fat, healthy baby.

Oh, that's very nice of you, you naive idiot.

But actually, no, seriously, I'm really not pregnant. But I might as well be. You see, I'm a clucky man. I generally love kids, especially the not-throwing-the-tantrum kind and babies. Aww, babies.

I'm doing my paediatrics rotation at the moment. So far, I've done four week of it at a hospital and have been absolutely disappointed when my imaginations were shattered by the brutal reality that only a handful of kids are in the wards and newborn babies sleep like ALL THE TIME.

Translation: I couldn't show off my natural charm with kids which means I could make paediatric physical examination anything but a nightmare, and also I couldn't play with babies because otherwise I would be chased out by the nursery nurses flailing pins in their hands (not the rolling kind, but the prickly ones) for waking up a baby they've just put to sleep.

Four weeks I've endured that unbearable suffering of not seeing kids enough. But no fear, today I continue my paeds rotation at another bigger hospital. I shall see and play with kids all I want.

That was at least what I thought when I woke up this morning a la Disney Princess with bright optimism and sunshine. I hate you, Monday.

See, I start off with my paediatric emergency department (ED) roster this whole week. As I was walking off to the hospital, noticing bouncing squirrels and singing along with colourful birds, I imagined myself being so happy and all high in the ED tending to kids coming in one after another. The excitement of paediatric emergency was palpable.

Then the orientation told me only two students are allowed in the ED at any one point because otherwise "it would be too crowded" when there are seven of us in my roster group. Now I know exactly what Maleficent was feeling like when she wasn't invited by the royal king and queen to attend Aurora's birth celebration when other fat fairy godmothers get to come and eat the cake. (Oh, wait, the green one isn't that fat, but she's a cake gobbler just as well.)

God, I hate Monday. And Disney Princesses. Go Team Disney Villains!

We, seven of us, divided the shifts each of us could go to and I get to be lucky one - I didn't manage to get any shifts until 1 p.m. tomorrow. Just when I was already psyched up for ED for a long time.

In my angst, I went down to the staff cafeteria to get some free hot chocolate to cool down my inner fiery dragon. Little did I know Monday had been scheming with all the three vending machines to deny me of free hot choco. I could almost hear a voice saying, "IN YOUR FACE!".

Feeling guilty of not doing anything on my first day, I went to the library to study, which I did for a hour before deciding to walk back home and vent my frustration on food (read: lunch), wait around until about 4 p.m. when I have a lecture at the hospital. After lunch and practising on my acoustic guitar for a full hour, I felt really tired and quickly decided to take a quick nap.

Turns out Monday purposely woke me up at 5 p.m. to spite me.

And my hair's messed up.

P.S. As much as I am clucky, I'm both not that clucky or even ready to have my own babies. But I'll steal your baby anytime.

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